Monday, May 19, 2014

The final day...

April 3, 2014

That was the last day we were a family of 5.
That was the last day that I was a mother to 3.
It was the last day I looked like this:

There were a lot of 'lasts' on this day.

Some were the last day of having to wear maternity clothes, the last day to be fat and miserable, the last day of work (for a while at least :), the last day of anticipation of what he would look like....

Some of the 'lasts' were not:
-the last day EVER that I'd wear maternity clothes
-the last day EVER that I'd be 9 months pregnant
-the last day EVER that I'd anticipate what my newborn would look like

Ironic isn't it.  That the very things I was looking forward to....were the same things I were not.

It was bittersweet and to be completely honest, I didn't handle it all too well. 
The sadness associated with the 'finality' of it all weighed heavily on my heart.
I almost didn't want him to arrive.  I wanted to delay it all.  I didn't want it all to be 'over'.  forever.
What 9-month prego says that???  Down-right crazy, right???

Although I knew that once I saw his face, it would bring peace to my heart....I didn't want to go.
I know I'm an 'old lady' having a baby, but I sure wasn't ready to close this chapter of my life.

But it was inevitable.
And it was all good.
It was His Plan
And now my heart is at peace and filled with love.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Not crazy at all, completely normal and I totally understand. We haven't decided if O was our last yet, probably not if the decision was solely mine. I would be the "oldest lady" pregnant then. xoxo