Sunday, January 20, 2013

Pending departure

Today I'm experiencing the guilt/excitement emotional combo that often comes along with parenting.

I'm departing in a few short hours for a week-long work trip.
As I'm packing up, I'm sad.
 EIV is going to be napping when I leave.  I won't touch his locks for 7 days nor hear his ADORABLE voice. 
E came up and kissed me goodbye (an hour+ before my departure) because she told me she doesn't want to cry when I actually leave...she's growing up too fast. 
H has been clingy (not her normal gentle/cuddly) and crabby...knowing mommy's leaving soon. 
I feel bad.  I feel bad I'm leaving.  I feel guilty for ditching my family.

Then, I recall the numerous times this week I said 'vacation' instead of 'work trip', and mind twinkles with excitement.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm working the full week; actually this is a huge accomplishment of my most recent project.....but I will be alone.  It will be QUIET.  No feet, elbows or butts will wake me.  No whining, no chicken nuggets, no diapers, no siblings fighting, no homework, no reality.....nothing...and nothing will be a taste of heaven.

But am I a bad mom for feeling that way?  I know the answer to that....well, at least I think I do.....
I know that I'm not the only mom who feels this way.....why does it have to be?
Why does a 'break' have to come wrapped up with a guilt bow?


Jamie said...

Exactly, why? Experiencing the same thing and mine is only my first 8 hr shift back to work after having O. Oh how it pains me so. Enjoy your trip and remember your kids will still love you when you return and you being away for a short week won't be a childhood memory, and they likely forget about it within a few hours of your return. Safe travels and enjoy the Quiet my friend.

Leese said...

hi mom i love what you said about me love and miss u love emma

Adam and Nichole Lewis said...

You deserve a break. Enjoy your time away and know that your children will never hold your "breaks" against you, but will only cherish their time with you that much more when you come home! We all miss you. I wish I could see their faces when you get back...I can already hear their voices!

When you start to feel sad...stop being sad, and start being AWESOME! ;)

Katie said...

I'm sure your guilty feelings were replaced with a nice sense of freedom the moment you boarded the plane. Hope you enjoyed your week by yourself...even if you had to work a little. :) At least you got away from the subzero windchills!